Your vagina is your canal to success

The most important component of a womyn is always her vagina. Who would know that more than Summer’s Eve?

Women’s Day magazine ran a Summer’s Eve advertisement, that you can see thoroughly railed here at Alternet.  In case you follow the link but your brain explodes from the inanity of the first few lines, let me re-cap for you: If you want to ask for  a raise, the most important thing you can do is wash your vagina. Then, think about your contributions to the company. Don’t be late. Number six is “don’t be afraid of silence.”  That’s because they’re smelling the air — to assess your feminine freshness. Number seven is then “don’t let the conversation get personal,” unless you’re talking about your vagina. Finally, number eight is consider your contributions to the company. So get that inthe correct order, ladies. Wash your vagina first, be on time, and then consider the quality of your work.  To best accomplish this, perhaps let your boss sniff your panties to know that you are an asset to the team?

The Summer’s Eve website has a section for Mothers and Daughters.  Halfway through the page is this nugget of wisdom:

Q: Do other women experience the insecurity that comes with bad hygiene days?

A: As sure as the sun rises in the morning, you can bet your friends are experiencing the same feelings. So how do you keep these days under control? One way is to use Summer’s Eve Feminine Deodorant Spray. You’ll feel fresher, and it’ll show.

If teenage girls weren’t insecure before reading this website, they sure are now.  Between mothers and daughters, how might this conversation go?

Mom: Honey, are you insecure at school because of the way your vagina smells?

Daughter: Uh…

Since it may be difficult to have those tender moments with your teenage daughter, other questions to bring up might be “do kids at school have trouble seeing the true you because of your extra ten pounds?” or, “do you feel shy because of your acne?”

This whole campaign of fancy wipes and douches and soaps and powders really comes down to fear-mongering. It’s oppression of womyn, to sensitive them to feeling the need to use products they previously found to be unnecessary, with worry that they might be offending someone with… their vagina.

Where are the women at TAM?

I was listening to the Skepticality podcast, with Swoopy and Derek, who I adore. They were discussing The Amazing Meeting 8 in Las Vegas, and Swoopy mentioned that she was excited to see that half of Rebecca Watson’s audience was women. I thought, “Great!” only to counter, “but what if that was most of the women there, leaving the other sessions with 95% dudes?”

I haven’t ever attended TAM, primarily because of my experiences at skeptical meetups (though my Nigel reeeeaally wants to go!).  I have often the experience of sitting down at a table of men, listening to the conversation and then chiming in, only to be stared at for a moment before the men resume the conversation amongst themselves.  I have also had the experience of someone showing me a picture on their I-phone of something weird and being asked “explain THAT, woman skeptic!”  While my friend with the phone was just being sassy, I realized that I am not a skeptic, but a woman skeptic. I’ve got a qualifier. Yipes.

Let me stop. Skepticism is implementing the scientific method to attain truth in one’s personal life, and thus race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. ought to be out the window. In a perfect world, that would be true. Here’s my experience as a woman in science: I’m told that I’m in an equal playing field, yet I don’t see anyone who looks like me on the field. Or rather, at the pub.

Let’s add another dynamic. Women are culturally socialized to be, well, socially-minded, much more so than men. So when I sit down at the table and the men don’t acknowledge that I have spoken, I perceive it as a microaggression, though that may be a typical male conversation dynamic.

A lot of folks are scratching their heads, asking why the meetups are mostly dudes. The Skeptic Zone podcast interviewed Dr. Jannis Bennion. Dr. Bennion really spoke to some of the issues that while women are skeptics, the male partner goes to the meetup and the woman stays home to put the kids to bed, and other gender role issues that impede women’s attendance. On Skepticality, Swoopy even mentioned that Dragon*Con has childcare, while TAM does not, and that sounds like an awesome next step to open up TAM to greater diversity. BTW, Swoopy, Derek, and Dr. Bennion will all be at Dragon*Con.

I’m glad this conversation is coming up, because talking about diversity allows people to do something about making skepticism welcoming to diversity of people. It’s one thing to be a woman, but at least I’m White; I color-coordinate with most other folks at the meetups. Bringing in racial and other kinds of diversity allows people to see that the welcome isn’t just words but action.

Mama Grizzlies

“… Like Sarah Palin and her  ’Mama Grizzlies’ thing….”

“MMMMFFPH!?”

This was my response while half-listening to my friend at the fair.  Noted, my mouth was full of deep-friend, chocolate-covered bacon, and the OC fair is not the best place to be having a political discussion. Yet, my friend continued: ”Yeah, it’s Sarah Palin’s new thing, like, how mama grizzly bears know there is something wrong with their cubs and do whatever it takes, like moms have to take care of the country.”

Where did this come from? Ah, Sarah Palin mentions Mama Grizzlies on a two minute SarahPac Video. You can check it out yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsUVL6ciK-c.  I vaguely get the impression that this video is suppose to support women. She says “Women are rising up, saying ‘no, we’ve had enough already,’ because moms just kinda know when something’s wrong,” and then compares them to grizzly bears, who defend their young. She asserts that women are “standing up and speaking out,” going to “take charge,” “turn this thing around,” and get our “country back on the right track” and “respect the will of the people.”

In all of that, with the piano arpeggios in the background, Ms. Palin fails to mention a single issue these women are confronting. What are the Mama Grizzlies turning around? What are they standing up against?  Luckily, in her video, some people are holding signs. Are these the messages of the Mama Grizzlies? “We don’t want government run healthcare,”  ”Annoy Liberal: Work hard & pay your own bills,” “Moms against mandates unconstitutional,” and “I’m not an angry mob, I’m an angry, tax-bled hockey mom.”

The video is a perfect example of one of the major issues I have with politics. The actual politician doesn’t actually say anything of substance, or carry the message of the campaign. It’s the network underneath. For example, Republican politicians don’t have to say explicitly “all people with drug addictions should go to jail,” because Rush Limbaugh will. Sarah Palin can make a vapid video, but the people are the ones carrying the signs and sticking out their necks.

Another problem is the nature of the signs. Let’s clarify what they say. “

“We don’t want government run healthcare.”

“I prefer for insurance companies to have my best interests and not the bottom line for MY health care.”

“Annoy Liberal: Work hard & pay your own bills.”

“I don’t actually want to live in a society that helps its poor and downtrodden.”

“Moms against mandates unconstitutional.”

“I can make a mandate, but you can’t!’

“I’m not an angry mob, I’m an angry, tax-bled hockey mom.”

“I don’t understand how taxes pay for roads, police, firefighters and the military.”

When I think of women hearing what’s wrong, I think of fighting against healthcare companies that pay for viagra but not birth control. I think of women surgeons getting 70 cents for every dollar a male surgeon gets. I think of women getting fewer responses to a job application than a man – even though the resume is identical. I need to make a sign.

Mass times the constant speed of… zombies

It was a perfect quiet night for a nerdy chick: I was soaking in a hot bath filled with almond-scented bubbles and reading Brian Greene’s The Elegant Universe.  My Nigel was in the next room, clickety-clicking away, cursing loudly, at some programming. It was a peaceful, serene evening– the kind that can only be sieged by zombies.

I was reading about the speed of light. I knew the logistics of energy equaling mass times the speed of light, squared. It was the application of what it means for light to be constant that was fascinating. Whether I’m lounging in soapy, aromatic water, or bungee jumping off a cliff, the speed of light will be zipping by me at the same speed. Suddenly, I was gripped with an icy realization.

E=mZ^2.

Once a person has become a zombie, their energy equals their mass, times the constant speed of zombies, squared.  This is manifested throughout zombie documentation. The camera flashes to the protagonist, running away, then to the zombie, shuffling forward, arms outstretched, back to the protagonist, sweat beading on his forehead, only to be overcome by the ravenous zombie. Or, even worse. The protagonist (most likely female) runs from the zombie, probably up stairs, into a silent room. They stop, look over their shoulder in relief, only to turn back to… the face of the awaiting zombie.

The zombie’s ability to defy the time-space continuum can only be described rationally, using science. I pose this theory to you not only as information, but as a public service, to increase humanity’s ability to be prepared for and overcoming the impending zombie apocalypse.